How could I be so stupid? Friend or Foe…

Frankly darling, we don’t really want to be your friend

Intro to series

There seems to be a marked increase in the levels of romance stupidity. Reported cases of grown and independent ladies falling for silly boys, despite the fact they’re in their mid-to late-20’s are on the rise! Over the last few years, I have received calls from several female friends asking for my frank assessment of their various predicaments and I could not pass up an opportunity to open a can of “I told you so” whoopass. However as time passed, it became less about that and more about “why did you let it happen again?” Last night I spoke to a friend who had just crossed the line with a guy who she’d met a few weeks ago and thought he was going to be a friend for life. It was only afterwards when he said “Don’t pretend that you didn’t know what was going on!” did she realise her folly.

Relationships differ greatly from one to the other as the dynamics of people in each change the game for better or worse. However there are certain fundamental principles and pitfalls which form a common denominator for all relationship problems which I’ve heard. I have therefore decided to write some short and greatly simplified articles on some of the most common relationship issues I’ve been privy to over time, from friendships to marriage. I begin with this most universal of scenarios – the new guy in your life who just wants to be “friends”.

Invictus

I recently watched a movie called Invictus. I know I know, it’s old. I saw the ad on the billboards and thought it looked rubbish – and I could not make out what the hell ‘Invictus’ meant. I watched the movie because my sister had put it on and to my surprise it was pretty good. The movie did not answer the question of what Invictus meant, and if it did, I missed it, so I dug around (which means I Googled it) and found out that Invictus is the title of a short Victorian poem written by the English poet William Ernest Henley (1849–1903) – (for a brief synopsis of his life and what prompted the poem see Wikipedia).

 The poem spoke to me immensely – especially when viewed through the eyes of the most famous occupant of Robben Island, Nelson Mandela. I thought I’d share it with the rest of you too.

Know Not Me

You brought me forth into this world

With pain and joy which mingled

Like blood and water eventually the cord

Was cut, now separated and singled

You raised and fed and taught me all

The lessons that life had shown thee

Behind the flesh my spirit withdraw

It’s clear you know not me

The Secret We All Know

A few days ago a friend of mine carefully handed me a DVD in a manner that suggested that she was the first to discover fire and was now passing on the secret recipe. I had heard a lot about the life changing effects of this particular DVD and so drove home with a little more gusto than usual and after making some coco I jumped into the sofa, turned down the lights and got ready to watch THE SECRET.

No, The Secret is nothing sordid; it is a film / documentary released in 2006 by Rhonda Byrne. The Aussie screenwriter soon followed it up with what became a very successful novel of the same title. Soon she was writing more mini guides which aim to help people live “The Secret” on a daily basis. Over the next two years she milked the genre for all it was worth with more books, appearing on Radio, TV and in magazines where she told the world the formula for achieving their dreams – and all of it lay in “The Secret”.

So…what is this “Secret” then?

…and how did it capture the worlds imagination so much that it catapulted this woman from obscurity to (mini) celebrity? The DVD and books are quite long, so I will condense it for you. It basically says that human beings and [all forces in] the universe are made of energy and thus our thoughts have a direct correlation with not just ourselves, but with the very fabric of our existence. Our thoughts have a frequency, and, plainly put, what we think projects into the universe and the universe provides the means / mechanism by which we get that which our minds dwell upon. Everything that comes into our lives is only there because we have sent out the frequencies which attract them into our lives.

Love is a battlefield – the (men’s) rules of engagement

I sat across the table from a young man who had brought up an interesting question. The boy could have been no older than 21 and had started his first “real” relationship two years ago. However he had recently met somebody else and was now seeking the advice of the rest of the table as to how he should make his mind up about which one to keep. A few heads on the table had turned to me when the question was brought up. Those heads belonged to friends of mine, both male and female, who knew I had created my own little set of principles which govern what to do in this particularly dangerous front in the battle of the sexes. They also knew that I relished opportunities like this one to educate the little ones.

The Gorgon Enchantress & The Maturing Mind

It was a wet and windy evening and I was speeding down the A406 cutting traffic like a butcher on my way to the cinema. After all my boasting about being the only black man who ever turns up to anything on time, I was actually running late – 10 minutes late, but late nonetheless. I already had my excuse. It involved being a shoulder to cry on for a distraught female friend who I could not leave to continue her relationship with a man who obviously did not appreciate her and treated her like property. It was my duty. Of course I could not tell her the real reason I was late – which was that after the phone call, my mum had sent me on an errand and had threatened not to let me eat anything she cooked unless I went and got her onions and palm oil. At 26, I somehow I did not think that would be a turn on for any girl – so the dutiful friend story would simply have to suffice.